A Christian marriage is different. It has a
perspective of its own which we need to get to know if
we want to get the full picture and see it in all its
purity. For Christian marriage is a Sacrament: it is
the Holy Spirit Who makes it work. So we need to
approach it in a different way, with real spiritual
depth. Then we will see it work out in practice in
authentic Christian behavior.
The Apostle Paul gives us two significant insights
into the sanctity of marriage: “This is a great
mystery” (Eph. 5:32); “Marriage is honorable among
all”(Heb.13:4).
Christian marriage goes beyond the coupling of bodies:
it aspires to the coupling of souls. In the same way
that the Holy Spirit is active in baptismal water to
create a new person, so is He present in marriage.
Just as He is at work in the Mairoun oil (Holy Chrism)
to consecrate a human body to make it a temple of the
Holy Spirit, just as He takes the bread and the wine
and transubstantiates them into the Lord’s Holy body
and blood, so does He unite the bride and groom to
each other and to the Lord, through sincere prayers
and by faith.
Yet this unity is not accomplished in a magical way.
The bride and the groom are aware of and participate
in it by their heartfelt prayers and positive response
to the working of grace. This means that the
sacraments do not work in a merely mechanical way;
rather they demand a spiritual response from the
person who is receiving the sacrament. This is just as
necessary as the involvement of an ordained priest,
the holding of formal prayers, and the presence of
the Spirit of God.
The divine work is the new thing in Christianity. For
since the beginning of creation, there have been
marriage rituals, agreements by both sides, and social
aspects that differ from one community to another. But
the new thing in Christianity is the “work of the Holy
Spirit” which makes two individuals into a couple and
the couple into one entity.
The Christian understanding of marriage is seen
through specific characteristics, some of which are:
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1. One Partner |
Christianity does not permit polygamy, i.e. getting
married to more than one partner. Monogamy, or the law
of one wife, is definite in Christianity and
established in the Bible. On this issue, St. Paul’s
words are enough:
+ “Let each man have his own wife, and let each woman
have her own husband” (1Cor.7:2).
+ “The wife does not have authority over her own body,
but the husband does. And likewise the husband does
not have authority over his own body, but the wife
does.” (1 Cor. 7: 4).
+ “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the
Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband” (1
Cor. 7: 10).
+ “For this reason a man shall leave his father and
mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall
become one flesh” (Eph. 5: 28).
+ “He who loves his wife loves himself” (Eph. 5: 28).
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This in fact is: |
a. A restoration to the original state of affairs:“He
who made them at the beginning made them male and
female’” (Mt.19: 4).
b. Keeping Christ’s command: “So then they are no
longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has
joined together, let not man separate” (Mt. 19: 6).
There is not doubt that the law of one wife has many
important implications. It raises the status of woman
from a mere tool to that of a life-partner; it changes
the significance of the children from sheer quantity
to their quality, and it refines the instinct from
sensuality to spirituality. We should consider these
three points deeply.
God has created only one Eve for Adam to make him
realize that she is a help-meet for him, i.e. a
life-partner on an equal footing. It is often said
that God took Eve, not from Adam’s head, otherwise she
might have been superior to him, nor from his leg or
she would have been inferior to him. He took her from
Adam’s side to be his equal counterpart.
Moreover, the law of one wife changes the significance
of children from their quantity to their quality. They
are limited in number and raised on the basis of a
sound Christian upbringing to become good citizens and
faithful witnesses to the Lord. This is much better
than having a large number of children who are badly
brought up and who have no share either in church
membership or in eternal life hereafter.
The law of one wife also sublimates the instincts
Spiritual love is the secret of satisfaction,
contentment, and happiness, whereas uncontrolled
sensual love is a regression from the human to the
animal level.
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2. Ones |
Christian marriage is not just a contract between two
parties whereby each person continues to follow his or
her own ego. Instead Christianity unifies the two
parties or rather the two partners in “one entity” for
“the two shall become one flesh” (Mt. 19: 5). The
expression “one” here is very precise, for the one
flesh has many members but all are linked and unified
in love, sacrifice, self-giving, and harmony.The one
flesh is controlled by one network of thoughts and
feelings and one will.
Therefore, the true Christian marriage turns the
home into a new heaven and the family into a sacred
church. There is no longer any duality, but one entity
integrated on the levels of:
Spirit: the two are united in God.
Mind: the two now have the mind of Christ.
Emotion: since the spiritual self-sacrificing
love is their motto: “It is more blessed to give than
to receive.”
Will: the Holy Spirit is the leader of each of
their wills and unifies the two into one.
Therefore, we call the individual a couple and the
couple one. This is true as they are united in God.
Each partner bears the other in the depths of his or
her being. He or she is no longer one individual but a
couple. Each thinks, moves or acts with the other
partner hidden deep in the heart. At the same time,
the couple becomes one, i.e. their behavior flows from
a spring of profound unity created by the Holy Spirit.
That is why it is very important for the bride and
groom to pay attention to the prayers and commandments
recited in the celebration of the sacrament of
matrimony. They need to rise to that Christian level
where their marriage goes beyond social and physical
coupling to a sacred spiritual unity.
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3. Continuity |
This is a third important characteristic of the
Christian marriage. In fact, is --- as the Lord Jesus
Christ said --- the principle on which Adam and Eve
originally lived. Therefore, when the Jews tested the
Lord on divorce saying: “Is it lawful for a man to
divorce his wife for just any reason?”, He replied:
“Have you not read that he who made them at the
beginning ‘made them male and female’. For this reason
a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined
to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.” When
they asked Him: “Why then did Moses command to give a
certificate of divorce, and to put her away?”, He
answered: “Moses, because of the hardness of your
hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from
the beginning it was not so” (Mt. 19: 3-8).
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From this text we can clearly see
two facts: |
a. Marriage was originally based on continuity, i.e.
the idea of divorce is completely rejected.
b. Moses allowed the Jews to trespass this boundary
--- with God’s permission --- because of the hardness
of their hearts.
But Christ who marked a new covenant of salvation and
restored us to our original image and first nature,
also restored marriage to its original state, i.e.
continuity and prohibition of divorce. God has not
allowed divorce except in the case of adultery because
the guilty partner ---by the nature of his or her sin
--- breaks the original marriage bond by uniting
himself or herself with a new partner. However, if the
innocent partner is willing to go on with the marriage
and accepts the other partner’s return, the marriage
can continue on the basis of the sinful partner’s
sincere repentance and rededication to the first
marriage covenant.
The second reason for divorce is spiritual adultery,
that is to say the denial of faith and giving up of
Christianity. In this case, the Christian partner is
no longer bound by the marriage covenant and has the
right to divorce the other partner.
As for the kind of reasons Christians are now putting
forward to divorce, such as ill-treatment, separation,
frequent absence, and chronic diseases, they cannot
set one’s conscience at peace. For they are a mere
veneer, to cover up a basic selfishness and lack of
love.
On the other hand, the annulment of marriage is
allowed in cases of cheating, impotence, and some
other cases specified by the church. The annulment of
marriage is a sound principle as there has to be basic
elements to guarantee a sound marriage, such as full
physical and mental maturity ... etc.
An overall view of the reasons for divorce today shows
us how shallow spiritual life is and how rare genuine
love has become. It shows us the extent of selfishness
and self-centeredness, and disobedience to Christ’s
commandments. May the Lord restore to the Christian
family its ideal cohesion and unity, the unity with
which the Christian family has so long testified to
Christ, its Savior.
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4. Bearing Fruits |
The Christian family --- by the work of the Holy
Spirit --- bears the following fruits:
a. Christian Virtue: reflected in the lives of its
members.
b. Children: when God grants them, they are blessed
and raised in the fear of God and firmly at one with
the Church.
c. Service: the family offers it to everyone it deals
with, in true Christian love which knows neither
discrimination, hatred, nor fanaticism.
The family is a small, lively, active church that
testifies to its Lord Jesus Christ. Children are not
an end but only fruits. How wonderful it is when the
parents’ hearts are enlarged to include a wider circle
of love instead of confining their emotions to their
children. How wonderful it is when the couple, whom
God has not granted children in the flesh, enlarge
their hearts to adopt, in the spirit, a larger number
of children as they serve thousands of children who
need love in God’s church with true parental love.
These are some characteristics of the Christian
marriage. May God give us the joy of seeing more
marriages that witness to Christ.
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